


what love is

by cxpidsarrows



Series: Rina week 2020 [2]
Category: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)
Genre: F/M, Rina Week 2020 (HSM: The Series), Yearning, according to a friend "like willingly stepping on legos", no no one dies, not too bad, ricky bowen finally suffering for gina porter, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:35:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24152923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cxpidsarrows/pseuds/cxpidsarrows
Summary: "Can I be the one you talk about in all your storiesCan I be him?"In which Ricky Bowen learns just how complex love is and it's all because he met the curly-haired girl that sang every day at the local coffee shop
Relationships: Ricky Bowen & Gina Porter, Ricky Bowen/Gina Porter
Series: Rina week 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1741630
Comments: 7
Kudos: 29





	what love is

**Author's Note:**

> this is my day 2 for rina week 2020!! it's heavily based on Can I Be Him by James Arthur and its a little bit angsty but nothing crazy !! I hope you all enjoy Ricky longing for gina instead of the other way around. <333

**_You walked into the room and now my heart has been stolen_ **

**_You took me back in time to when I was unbroken_ **

It all started the day after he found out his parents were splitting up, Ricky Bowen was torn and bruised that day. He felt weak and vulnerable… he knew it was normal, people drift apart... Parents split up. But not his parents, his parents were perfect. They were in love, well that’s what he told himself, but now he could see they were anything but--now he realized that they fell out of love a long time ago and only forced themselves to be together because of him

He didn’t know why it hurt. Maybe it was the fact that the people he loved most in the world didn’t love each other or the fact that he was the reason they suffered in each other’s company Or maybe it was how everything he knew about love was now dwindling to nothing. He thought love was this big joyful feeling that went against all odds, love was happiness it was color it was rainbows and butterflies. It wasn't supposed to make you hurt. But now-- he had no idea

Ricky was exhausted that afternoon, he barely had any energy as he walked back home from school. He spent the whole day avoiding his friends and spoke in short sentences. He didn’t want anything all day. 

But as he made his way home, he realized he could barely function, and once he saw a small coffee shop, Ricky told himself if he would just get a cup of coffee and sit for a while he’d be okay to go home-- if you could still call it that, ever since the words ‘we’re splitting up’ spilled out of his mom’s mouth, he didn’t see it as a home. Just a house where three people temporarily lived

He walked into the coffee shop, the first thing that caught his eye was a poster that said live music every day, the second thing was  _ her _

Out of the backroom came a girl around 5’7, she had light washed jeans paired with a white long sleeve shirt that matched the bandanna in her curly voluminous hair, her chocolate brown eyes glanced at Ricky before giving him one of the brightest smiles he had ever seen, she then made her way up to the stage, Ricky vividly remembers the first thing she said 

“Hey. I’m a Gina Porter. And I’m going to sing a little song I wrote”

She insisted that her voice wasn’t great before she started to sing, but as Ricky heard her he became speechless. _ Her voice was stunning, just like her _

  
  


**_Now you're all I want_ **

**_And I knew it from the very first moment_ **

**_'Cause a light came on when I heard that song and I want you to sing it again_ **

As if her voice was the cure for all of his problems, Ricky completely forgot about the coffee, he sat down entranced by the beauty of her, it was like she was a siren pulling him to sea, something that would result in his ultimate demise, but he didn’t care. Once she got off the stage by some miracle she made her way towards Ricky and greeted him

“Hey!”

Ricky froze, he felt his hands get clammy and throat get dry and just the sight of her.  _ What was happening to him?  _ Ricky had talked to many girls before, flirted with them, dated them, but not one of them made him feel nervous. At least not like this “Hey, I’m Ricky.”

“Gina,” she smiled “but I guess you knew that”

“Yeah-yeah you were amazing by the way” Ricky nodded “so incredible like wow”

Gina looked down to her shoes as a blush crept on her cheeks making them a deep rosy color “thanks, I’m homeschooled. So this is the only hobby I have besides working and dance--” Gina cringed “you probably don't care at all, I’m so sorry”

“No! I do!-- well, I mean that I like talking to you so you don't have to be sorry” he cursed himself internally for stuttering,  _ get your shit together Ricky. _

_ “Well then” _ Gina smiled _ “I guess we’ll just have to talk more than” _

**_I swear that every word you sing, you wrote them for me_ **

**_Like it was a private show, I know you never saw me_ **

Every day after school from then on, Ricky would go and visit Gina at the coffee shop, just to watch her perform. And right after they would sit and talk about whatever was going on in their life. they even exchanged numbers to talk at night. and they did, they talked a lot. 

Gina surely developed into someone essential to Ricky and his life, because of her, he was able to get through the feelings he had about his parents split up and even talked to the both of them about it. She helped him more than she would ever know, whatever it was he needed she was there and whatever it was she needed he was there, they were each other’s confidants and because of this Ricky couldn’t help but fall for her.

Without even meaning to, she became the owner of his heart. Sometimes what he felt for her would cloud his judgment. convincing himself that when she sang her love songs on top of that stage each lyric and note was written just for him, but he knew that he wasn’t good enough for her or her heart. 

But there were moments he swore, he  _ swore _ that there was a spark between them and if just one of them were to ignite it, it would grow into an invincible flame. 

**_When the lights come on and I'm on my own_ **

**_Will you be there to sing it again?_ **

**_Could I be the one you talk about in all your stories_ **

**_Can I be him?_ **

There was one moment where he swore the spark would ignite into a flame, just one where he swore if just one of them were bold enough they could’ve been something more. 

Ricky came over to the coffee shop, like always while Gina was cleaning tables. she looked up at him with a smile as she called to her manager that she was taking a break and walked up to Ricky, he expected for her to get up on the stage and sing another one of her masterpieces but Gina had other plans. 

“I think everyone will live if I don’t sing for one day.” Gina laughed as she sipped from her drink, an iced caramel macchiato with an extra pump of vanilla and a dash of cinnamon, yeah Ricky memorized her order. 

“I won’t— I’ll literally self combust right now if you do not sing to me!” Ricky complained, laying his mop of curls on her shoulder as he pretended to cry. “You want your favorite person in the whole world to die huh?”

“No,” Gina laughed, pulling him off her. “I don't, I’d miss you too much, look I just don’t have a song written, so why don’t we make a deal.” 

“Mm, I’m listening,” he smiled dipping his finger in her drinks whipped cream before swiping it across her nose, “Speak to me.” 

“First,” she said, wiping the whipped cream off her nose and licking it off her fingers. “ I'm going to get you back for that… second! I have a 40-minute break right now, so why don’t you and I go to the skate park around the corner and you help me write a song?” 

“I know nothing about writing a song,” Ricky frowned. 

“Well—I think you do. So, are you going to help me write, or are we just going to stand here for 40 minutes while you complain about me not singing?” She raised an eyebrow in question.

“Fine,” he smiled. “Anything you want.” 

“Perfect!” She smiled before leaning over to press a kiss against his cheek. “Let me get my songwriting book, I'll be right back!” 

In those 40 minutes, Ricky learned more about Gina then he ever thought he could. not about her life, he already knew mostly about that and what she went through. what he learned was about her mind. and just how beautiful it was, each sentence she added to the page held a deeper meaning than he ever thought possible, Gina wasn’t the type of person to use simple words. Everything she said or wrote held meaning

“You’re amazing!” Gina smiled, “Oh my god this song is definitely going to be one of my bests, and it’s all because of you”

“I did nothing but suggest a few things, Gi.” Ricky smiled, “You’re giving me too much credit.”

“No!” Gina leaned forward on the bench, she laid her arm on his shoulder “You aren’t giving yourself enough credit, I mean it Ricky, I don't know what I’d do without you.”

“I don't know what I’d do without you,” Ricky smiled, looking down at her hand that rested on his shoulder, he leaned forward slowly.

His heart started to race at the fact she mirrored his actions and leaned closer to him, his breath hitched in his throat at their proximity as her hand slowly made its way to the nape of his neck, that was all... Either one of them just had to make a move, lean in, kiss then it all would’ve started right there, but neither of them did, and before Ricky knew it Gina, and everything they could’ve been, slipped through his finger-tips. 

“Gina!” She jumped off of Ricky as she stared up to see one of her co-workers there, “Your break ended 15 minutes ago! Hurry up and get back.”

“Oh my god!” Gina grabbed her songbook, “I’m sorry Ricky I have to go.”

“Yeah--its okay bye,” Ricky nodded trying to hide his disappointment as she walked away.

_ Why didn’t he just kiss her? _

**_I heard there was someone but I know he don't deserve you_ **

**_If you were mine I'd never let anyone hurt you, no, no_ **

**_I wanna dry those tears, kiss those lips_ **

**_It's all that I've been thinking about_ **

After that day, the almost-kiss between them was never mentioned, but it was a memory etched into both of their minds. What could’ve been if they were brave enough… Ricky never tried to kiss her again, even if he did nothing would’ve come out of it seeing as just a few weeks later, Gina met someone else, Chase, the guy with bright blue eyes and blonde hair that swept Gina off her feet in just a few dates--or maybe he was just bold enough to make a move and that’s why they were able to actually get together. To say Ricky hated Chase would be a massive understatement, not only did he get to be with the girl Ricky was in love with, but he didn’t even deserve her. Gina told Ricky countless times that he did but there was a moment where Ricky just knew that he wasn't good enough for Gina Porter, where he realized no one really was. 

As Ricky walked home, his first thought was to go visit Gina at the coffee shop, but before he could change his route he got a call. 

“Hey,” Ricky said with a smile. “How are you?” 

“Ricky,” he heard her sniffle. “I didn’t go to work.” 

“Why? Are you okay?” He asked, a feeling of concern and fear running through his veins at the sound of her broken voice. “Gina where are you?” 

“I’m home. Can you come over?” She cried, Ricky could hear her muffle a sob, “I need you.” 

“Of course! I’m coming now.” 

**_'Cause a light came on when I heard that song and I want you to sing it again_ **

**_I swear that every word you sing, you wrote them for me_ **

Ricky showed up in seconds, as Gina opened the door he saw the red puffy cheeks and bloodshot eyes and couldn’t help but feel his heart wrench in pain. His girl was hurting and that hurt him more than anything. 

He stepped inside, pulling her body into his. Gina fit perfectly in his arms. He could feel the tears that stained her cheeks now staining his shirt and the way her breathing became more shallow because of how much she had cried. Ricky held on to her. 

Tears began to well up in his eyes at the thought of her in pain, he so desperately wanted to wipe the tears away and kiss her slowly. Let her know that Chase didn’t matter, that  _ they _ mattered. But he couldn’t, that would’ve been selfish, and Ricky couldn’t be selfish when it came to Gina.

**_Like it was a private show, but I know you never saw me_ **

**_When the lights come on and I'm on my own_ **

**_Will you be there to sing it again?_ **

The next few days Ricky was with Gina, they were inseparable. Until Chase decided he wanted Gina back—but of course Gina Porter was anything but a second choice or a back up. She made him work for it, and he did. Chase swept Gina off her feet... again. He worked his ass off for her just because she said they would never get back together if he didn’t prove that he really wanted her. Because Gina Porter wasn’t someone you play with. She was the real deal. Ricky kind of hoped Chase would screw up again. It was wrong and he knew it, but he desperately prayed he would fuck up again, so that he could have Gina back. 

The worst part was there was no distance between Ricky and Gina. They had the same routine every day, and a boyfriend didn’t mess that up. It was worse because that just made Ricky want her more. She wasn’t the cliche girl that drops you once she got with someone else. Gina would never abandon Ricky which made his pain just that much harder. 

He’d watch her kiss him, hug him, talk about him, and he couldn’t be angry— there was no reason to be angry. She hadn’t done anything but be happy. He just wished her happiness didn’t mean he had to endure this torture.

She still sang every day, but this time Ricky wasn't the only one who came to watch her. Her gaze didn’t go to Ricky when she sang her songs anymore, it went to someone else.

He thought he could deal with it, live secretly broken, having Gina as a friend was enough right? But it wasn’t. 

He was already drowning in pain, and her love was the breath of fresh air to keep him going. The little bit of air he had wasn’t enough for him. He needed to make it to the surface. To have her close again and hear her sing to  _ him _ again. 

He wanted Gina Porter more than anything... 

and he was willing to risk everything to let her know it. 

**_Could I be the one you talk about in all your stories?_ **

**_Can I be the one_ **

**_Can I be the one_ **

**_Can I be the one_ **

It was in the middle of the night when Ricky showed up to Gina's window, it was late. He knew it, but he couldn’t handle this anymore. He couldn’t wait for the next day. He felt that if one more day passed he’d lose her completely—ridiculous? Yes, but Ricky could care less. 

“Ricky?” Gina opened the window for him, “What's wrong?” 

Before he could overthink it, he held her face and captured her lips into a desperate kiss. Gina was in shock. Startled, she kissed him back but pulled herself away at the thought of  _ her boyfriend.  _

“Ricky— Ricky, what was that?” 

“I love you. I love you, Gina, and I don’t want to go another day without you knowing that I’m in love with you because I swear to god I’m dying without you,” he sobbed running his hands through his hair.

Gina's mouth fell agape, like she was surprised that he was in love with her. How could she be surprised. He thought it was obvious. Every time he watched her he was awe-struck every touch he swore that he felt the touch lingering on his skin for days. She was everything to him, no girl had him like Gina Porter had him. How could she not see that? 

“Ricky—“ 

“You don't love me…” he frowned. In movies it would’ve been simple, he admitted that he was in love with her—kissed her like he did, and she would’ve simply said ‘I love you too’, but life was more complicated than that. 

“No, Ricky, please,” tears started to well up in her eyes. “I do. I love you so much, but—“ 

“You love him too.” Ricky could feel a tug at his heart as he came to the realization that what she felt for him wasn’t just the simple intrigue and wonder of a first boyfriend… he realized that she loved the chase, almost as much as Ricky loved her. No— no one could love like Ricky loved Gina. 

“Ricky, I didn’t think you loved me,” she cried. “I thought—“ 

“You thought wrong.” He said harshly, way more harshly than it should’ve been, but he was angry—not at her per se, but at the universe, at the world, at anything that ever existed. Everything but her. 

“Ricky, please,” she reached out for him with the best intentions. She wanted to hold him, let him know she did love him, and not just as a friend but it was complicated now. Ricky took the bold move needed to make them happen, but it wasn’t as simple as before. If they kissed at the park, it all could’ve started then and there, Ricky would’ve had the girl he longed for and Gina would’ve had the boy that became her everything. But no, not anymore— not after Chase came into the picture again. 

“I shouldn’t have come,” he shook his head, making his way to the window. But Gina grabbed his arm. 

“Ricky, please, don't go like this!” She sobbed, she didn’t know why but the thought of him leaving like that made her feel like she’d never see him again. 

“Like what?” He cried, “There’s no reason for me to stay. No reason to be here. You’re in love with someone else and I— I can’t do this anymore, Gina.” 

His heart ached at just the thought about what he was going to do, but he had to… he loved Gina Porter. Loved her more than words could say, and that's why he couldn’t be selfish. That’s why he couldn’t beg her to choose him to be with him, that's why he couldn’t complicate her life or her relationship - because he loved her more than anything, and that’s why  _ he _ had to get out of her life. 

“Gina, we have to stop talking, ” he said. “I can’t— I want you to be happy, so I have to go.” 

“No- no,” she yelled, holding on this shirt. “Ricky I’m not happy without you, please don’t leave me. Please, you said we’d be forever. That we were going to be best friends forever, that you'd never stop going to the coffee shop to hear me sing. I’m sorry I can't love you all the way right now. Ricky, I’m so sorry, but please I need you.” 

Ricky looked down at his feet, his hands wrapped around her wrist as he gently pulled them off his shirt. He was shaking, his eyes were bloodshot and the only thing he could see was the clouded vision of her through his tears. 

“No, you don't.” He shook his head, “Your songs are all about needing, every word has a meaning they show how you truly feel. The songs you sing— they aren’t written for me.” 

Ricky's hand fell to her cheek, he slowly caressed it as he stared into her eyes, he knew they were meant for each other, he knew the spark was supposed to ignite into the invincible flame, but he also knew the spark died out—and the only thing left was smoke and ash.

“I wish I was him,” were the last words he muttered before he left her house. She tried to stop. To make him understand her, but he did understand. He understood everything now. 

Love wasn’t this big joyful feeling that went against all odds, love wasn’t happiness, it wasn’t color, it wasn’t rainbows and butterflies. It was supposed to make you hurt, supposed to make you feel, it’s supposed to show you that you’re alive. It's about sacrifice and giving your all for the person, it’s about letting go. Love is both selfish and selfless. It’s blind, messy, even, helpless and yes it can be the best thing you’ll ever feel but it can also be the worst.

_ love is everything Ricky Bowen felt for Gina Porter  _

**_Oh, can I, can I be him?_ **

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed <33 follow me on twitter!! @cxpidsarrows


End file.
